What is domestic violence?
Domestic violence is the systemic use of physical, emotional, verbal, financial, sexual or other forms of abuse to gain power and control with a relationship.
Are you wondering if you might be experiencing domestic violence?
There are many warning signs of domestic violence, and abuse is not just physical. Regardless of the type of abuse you experience, HarborCOV is here for you. You can receive free, confidential support, and we promise to never judge you.
Types of Abuse
Physical abuse
- Physical acts of violence
- Threats of physical violence
- Strangulation
- Withholding necessities like food, medication, etc.
Emotional abuse
- Monitoring phone calls
- Making threats
- Threatening to expose or “out” someone
Mental abuse
- Insulting you and making personal attacks
- Isolating you from friends and family
- Excessive jealousy
- Gaslighting, or making you question reality
Sexual abuse
- Forced or coerced sexual acts
- Not asking for or respecting consent
- Distributing private images without consent
Financial abuse
- Controlling your income
- Limiting your ability to work
- Ruining your credit
Online abuse
- Stalking through the use of technology
- Threatening to post or posting your images without your consent
- Online harassment of bullying
Legal abuse
- Dragging out lengthy court battles just to intimidate you
- Withholding important documents
- Threatening to call law enforcement
Cultural abuse
- Withholding access to religious practice
- Using slurs
- Weaponizing cultural beliefs
Safety Planning Tips
If you are still in the relationship:
- Think about what you will say if your partner becomes violent.
- Think of a safe place to go if there is violence at home; avoid rooms with no exits like the bathroom and rooms with weapons like the kitchen.
- Make a list of safe people to contact.
- Establish a code word or sign so that family, friends, neighbors, teachers or co-workers know when to call for help.
- If you have a car, make an extra set of car keys and hide them in a safe place or with a friend.
- If you don’t have a car, keep enough money with you at all times for a bus, train or taxi.
- Keep an overnight bag packed somewhere outside of the house, such as in the trunk of your car, at a friend’s house.
- Remember, you have the right to live without fear and violence.
If you have left the relationship:
- Vary your routine and avoid staying alone.
- Notify your contacts (such as work or school) that you have left the relationship.
- Change locks if you think your former partner has a key.
- Change your phone number and screen your calls.
- Plan how to get away if confronted by an abusive partner.
- If you have to meet your former partner, do it in a public place.
- Save and document any and all contact, messages, injuries or other incidents involving your former partner.
If you leave the relationship or are thinking of leaving, take important papers and documents with you, such as:
- Social security cards for you and your children
- Birth certificates for you and your children
- Your marriage license and/or divorce certificate
- Leases or deeds in your name or both yours and your partner's names
- Checkbook
- Credit cards
- Bank statements and credit card statements
- Insurance policies
- Proof of income
- Immigration documentation for you and your children (I-94 form, green card, passport, work authorization, visa)
- Any documentation of past incidents of abuse (photos, police reports, medical records, etc.)
Though there are many similarities among abusive relationships, every situation is different. If you would like help to make a personal safety plan, please call HarborCOV’s 24-hour hotline at 617.884.9909 or the SafeLink 24-hour statewide hotline at 877.785.2020.